Complicated Heart

Past hurts can be really painful. They don’t go away easily. I know coz I have been on both sides, the one who hurt and the one who got hurt. And I can say that being in both places is equally bad no matter what the reason. Now I understand what the other person would have felt when I hurt him.

Trying to alleviate the past hurts is a tedious process. It requires lots of patience and careful actions lest something triggers those feelings again. It is not easy but one has to at least understand and try their best to make sure that it does not happen again. In my case I understood this late, hence I had to try even harder to mend the hurt I had caused. About two years have passed and I have tried not to give the other person another chance to feel hurt coz of the same reasons. Still the hurt remains and I am at a loss as to what I should do next. I understand it’s a difficult task for the other person even if they have forgiven and forgotten. So I will continue in my endeavour because this person means the world to me and I would not like to lose him come what may.

I have also been hurt by someone. And its not a good place to be. Trying to make the other person understand when he is in no mood to, makes you feel lonely and uncared for. And this hurts more than the actual cause. Since sometime I have been assured and trying to forget the past. But recently something again came up and I have been distracted for almost two weeks. I did not want to ask for fear of becoming the one who always questions everything, and he did not care to explain. And thus that trigger resulted in my mind wandering again. I know I should be patient as well and give the other person time to try. Its not that I don’t trust but its just that I cannot deny what I see. After all actions speak louder than words and I am only human.

So to you who thinks I do not have faith, I want to tell you that I do. I will try to stop being impatient but you should try and understand too.

From this moment onwards I will stop bothering you and will not even disturb you until you wish to talk to me. Stay happy. And smile please.